He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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