We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
