bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
