How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
