I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ketchup is God's man juice
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
