Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
