he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize