Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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