we have officially lost it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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