Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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