More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
tell me about the eggs
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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