So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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