i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
