literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
