I just cut my nipple shaving
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
