You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
