did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
