dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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