You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
