they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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