I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
