Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm bleeding and have questions
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
