got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
