Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
