The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
