I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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