girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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