A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
