I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
