if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the day after is always just damage control
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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