Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
