like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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