finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
