just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
