Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
