Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just high enough for therapy.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
