both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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