Your dad touched me again.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
