Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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