My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
