My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
