Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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