Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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