How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
