On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
either way he was missing a nipple.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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