The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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