I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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