I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
