You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
