she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
