There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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