Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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