we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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