so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
