I just pynch a tree in the face
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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