nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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