your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
