the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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