I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize