I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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