Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize