I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
