i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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