How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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