1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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