I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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