So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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