I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
