I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
