it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
