i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We just shotgunned beers for America
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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