Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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