Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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