first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
only if we run a train.
done.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
