The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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