I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
