My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
