He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
