I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize