I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
