we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
