absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
