Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize