Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
