do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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