i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
