Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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