I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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