new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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