oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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