he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
