the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize