bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
