i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
