we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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