Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
