Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
