Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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