based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
