the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
