Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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